Why Imperfect Parenting Is Exactly What Your Kids Need
Do you ever find yourself striving so hard to be a great parent, based on what you’ve learned in adulthood? Do you beat yourself up when you lose your sh*t or things don’t go as planned? It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the expectations we place on ourselves, especially when we draw from our own experiences, what we didn’t have, or what we strive to change for our kids.
The truth is, parenting can be incredibly challenging, and the pressure to "get it right," or at the very least not do "damage," can sometimes feel so big. It's impossible to always do so. I too struggle with this. I often remind myself that my children don’t need a flawless parent; they need someone who shows up, who tries their best every day, and who is willing to learn alongside them. They need a parent who is willing to learn and take those learnings and apply them. The moments when I fail, mess up or feel inadequate don’t define my ability to love and support my children.
I also do a few other things that may help you too...
1. Reflect Regularly: Take time to think about your parenting experiences. What went well? What didn’t? Reflection helps you recognize patterns in your behaviour and how they affect your children.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or frustrated. Your emotions are valid, and expressing them in healthy ways can set a positive example for your children. Parenting isn't easy.
3. Embrace Mistakes: Mistakes are a natural part of life and parenting. Discussing your mistakes with your children teaches them resilience and the importance of learning from setbacks. It shows them it’s okay to fail. I just heard about someone who asked their kids every day after school, "What did you fail at today?"
Remind yourself that helping our kids handle discomfort sets them up for a healthier life. We are building capacity in our kids.
4. Seek Support: Connect with other parents who share similar struggles. Whether through parenting groups, online forums or close friends, sharing experiences can provide reassurance and valuable insights. Another resource I love is the work of Dr Becky. She has a book and an app that can help you with tangible strategies.
Your children are not looking for perfection; they’re looking for love, support and authenticity. They want to see us trying, learning and growing, just as they are. When we let go of the myth of the perfect parent, we create space for real, meaningful connections.
Let’s celebrate the effort we put in every day. It’s the small moments—like a shared laugh, a comforting hug or a heartfelt conversation—that build strong, lasting relationships. Embrace the journey with all its ups and downs, and know that by simply being there, you are already doing an incredible job.
