Does it feel like everyone is breaking up? You don't have to be next

Here are a few ideas to keep things on the right track with the one you love...

1. Check in often, building your communication with one another:

• Always use "I statements" not statements like "you always" and talk about your needs not their behavior.

• Remain calm with your partner. A big part of therapy is learning how to self regulate so you don’t overreact when talking with your partner. Learn when you need to take a break from a conversation and actually do it. Its important to tell your partner you are taking a break and make sure you come back to it or tell them when you would be willing to.

• Try to respond in a non-defensive way, this will make your partner actually want to bring things up with you again. Is there some amount of responsibility you can take for what your partner is raising?

• Validate your partner's thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree. Your partner needs to know you hear and understand them to move forward with effective conversation

• PRACTICE THESE SKILLS

2. Don’t take each other for granted. You may be seeing your partner through a tainted lens if things aren't going well. Look for the good.

3. Don’t Ignore your problems, take a proactive approach and discuss them even if it sucks. These issues will often not go away on their own (almost never).

4. Show appreciation and acceptance, find ways to be thoughtful and loving towards one another in the way your partner feels loved

5. Have separate lives. Have your own friends and hobbies.

6. Keep your intimacy alive, be flirtatious, try a new place, go parking, buy a toy. You have to keep working at it.

~Laura

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