Sometimes what didn’t work out for you, really worked out for you.
It often begins with your friends and family not being as excited for you as you hoped, or subtly convincing yourself the parts of your partner you are bothered by are not a big deal, after all this is “just the way they are”. You may not even notice that you dismiss your own feelings by focusing on the good parts of them. Deep down you wonder if they are right for you, you wonder if your loved ones can see what you don't see.
Many people do not trust their intuition and carry on thinking you are the problem, maybe your needs are too much or perhaps it takes a long time to notice when your relational needs aren't being met. Maybe you don’t know anything else exists. You stay because you are more scared of the unknown than the unfulfilling relationship you are living day in and day out.
And then the day comes, you want more for yourself, you DESERVE more for yourself. Enough is enough. You are free. Leaving an unsatisfying or unhealthy relationship can be a very difficult, but a very brave and courageous decision. You feel the invisible weight lift off your shoulders.
It’s ok to end a relationship. Becoming self aware of your needs as well as your patterns of behaviour is part of growing and learning. Here are some steps to support your healing so that you can find love in the future that’s healthy and fulfilling
Recognize and acknowledge unhealthy behaviours in your relationship: Unhealthy behaviours in relationships could include physical harm, but are most often more subtle, things like disrespect, lack of support, maybe even name-calling when things get really heated. Frequent arguments, controlling behaviours, shutting down regularly, jealousy, pressure to do things you don’t want to or aren’t comfortable doing, downplaying your interests, gaslighting you, trying to make you feel as if your feelings aren't valid
Find a support system who can help you see your role in the pattern as well as provide support to you in the struggle
Make it a clean break: It’s very hard to not get pulled back in after ending a relationship as often our attachment needs are threatened in these situations and our body is in fight or flight. A trusted therapist and or friends can help provide that secure base for you to feel safe as you move forward.
Remember, you are allowed to be sad, scared, embarrassed etc after ending the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t the right decision. All emotions are valid and will reduce in time.
We’re here if you want to talk, individually or as a couple. Sometimes relationships are unhealthy due to a lack of open and honest communication. If you and your partner struggle to openly express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation, talking to a therapist can help. We have several therapists taking on new clients, book your appt here or call 506-651-1239
~ Laura, Clinical Therapist