Embracing Self-Compassion: A Guide for Everyone
Recently, our whole team completed training on self-compassion. I want to share why I believe in this and how practising self-compassion has helped me, with the hope that it might inspire you too. At first, I thought self-compassion was just a way to let myself off easily—to not hold myself accountable. I have since learned I was majorly wrong.
Self-compassion is all about treating yourself with kindness, especially when things don’t go as planned. As Kristin Neff, a pioneer in this field, reminds us, self-compassion involves being mindful of our suffering, recognizing that pain and mistakes are part of the human experience, and offering ourselves the same care we would give to a good friend.
Self-compassion isn’t just for big crises—it’s something we can practise every day. Here are some moments when self-compassion can make a big difference:
After a Misstep: Think about a time when you didn’t act as confidently as you had hoped, perhaps during an important conversation or a work meeting. Instead of harshly criticizing yourself, acknowledge that everyone has off days and that one moment doesn’t define your overall abilities.
Missing a Goal: Perhaps you set a personal goal or planned a new routine, but found yourself veering off course. Instead of dwelling on the setback, practice self-compassion by recognizing that growth is a journey filled with ups and downs. Every day is a fresh opportunity to start again.
Handling a Conflict: We’ve all said something in the heat of the moment that we later regret. Rather than punishing yourself, use self-compassion to remind yourself that making mistakes is part of being human. Learn from the experience and move forward with a kinder outlook toward yourself.
Overwhelming Emotions: When you feel overwhelmed by stress or sadness after an unexpected setback, self-compassion allows you to sit with those feelings gently. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way and give yourself permission to take the time you need to heal.
I’ve personally found that self-compassion has been the key to moving forward. In my own journey, there have been countless times when I felt I hadn’t acted as I wished or that I was stuck in a negative cycle. I messed up presentations, didn’t eat the way I intended to, forgot to pick up my kids at the right time—the list goes on…and on. Instead of being trapped by past decisions or harsh self-judgment, I learned that every moment is an opportunity to choose kindness over criticism.
Both approaches help regulate our emotions and allow us to navigate life’s challenges more effectively when things don’t go well.
The common misconception that self-compassion is weak couldn’t be further from the truth—it’s a courageous act that opens the door to healing and growth. It is a practice that benefits everyone. It’s about giving yourself the same kindness and understanding that you so willingly offer others. Whether you’re dealing with a difficult day, a missed goal or simply the weight of everyday challenges, remember that you deserve care and compassion—especially from yourself.