You don’t have to make love like a porn star to satisfy your partner
Male sexual anxiety is on the rise. This is not surprising given the growing porn industry, as well as medications like viagra being marketed and sold to younger and younger men. There is a steady, unrealistic portrayal of men of all ages experiencing instant arousal who can seduce their partner with intense passion and ease. Men are almost always initiating sex and leading the experience, which is highly focused on intercourse. Men believe they are supposed to know exactly what to do to please their partner.
My observations are that men’s sexual pleasure is impacted by two things, these scripts-the way we are told how having sex should go-and their harshest critics; themselves. They are focusing on if they are hard enough, lasting long enough, is their partner aroused enough, and the list goes on. The focus on erection and intercourse needs to be put to bed. There are so many ways to pleasure your partner that don’t require a hard penis or penetrative sex-and when we don’t know what those things are because we don’t see them portrayed and we don’t know where to begin, because we don't know how to talk about it.
Our culture is in dire need of sex education. We have lost the pleasure in sex. As a sex therapist, my role is to help people rewrite the sexual scripts we learn as we go through life. We need to evolve with the time and make some revisions.
Many people come to sex therapy intending to discuss sexual techniques and positions. This is not what it is about. It’s not about what you do to your partner but what you do together. Sex is an excellent way to expand our trust and understanding of one another in a relationship. The people who have the best sex have intimacy in their relationship AND an ability to revise the script they have learned about how sex should go.
As a partner of a man, you can help liberate them from their own unrealistic standards, as well as challenging your own. Pleasure is a critical element of sex and you both have a right to experience that. Both people experiencing pleasure is actually vital- you can’t be having sex to tick the “good wife” box, and think that will work to satisfy your partner, unfortunately. We become so focused on following the scripts, we forget the point of sex is pleasure and connection.
If you are ready to revise your sexual scripts and need help, send me an email, laura@lauragatien.com
~ Laura, Clinical Therapist
Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE
