Understanding How Trauma and Our Past Shape Our Future
Trauma is a deeply ingrained experience that can significantly shape our thoughts, behaviours, and ultimately, our life outcomes. I recently stumbled upon this quote that says it so well, "You can tell that trauma is at work when whatever you are trying to avoid is the exact outcome you continually create."
This is something many of clients notice and find very frustrating. We strive to move away from the pain and suffering we have experienced, yet often find ourselves in the very situations we seek to avoid.
Trauma means different things to different people and can result from various distressing experiences, including abuse, neglect, loss, or any event that overwhelms our ability to cope. It leaves an imprint on us, shaping our beliefs, behaviours, and even our physical responses. This often becomes a lens through which we view the world, influencing our actions in ways we may not fully realize.
When we are traumatized, we develop coping mechanisms to protect ourselves from further harm. These mechanisms often involve avoidance—steering clear of situations, people or emotions that remind us of the trauma. However, this avoidance can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
For example, someone who has experienced betrayal may avoid forming close relationships out of fear of being hurt again. This avoidance, however, can lead to loneliness and a lack of support, reinforcing the belief that they are destined to be alone and untrusting.
Our subconscious mind plays a significant role in perpetuating this cycle. Traumatic experiences often plant deep-seated beliefs about ourselves and the world, such as "I am not worthy of love" or "The world is a dangerous place." These beliefs can drive our behaviours in ways that recreate the conditions of the original trauma. However, this isn't always so obovious.
For instance, a person who believes they are unworthy of love may unconsciously choose partners who are incapable of providing the love and care they need, thus validating their belief.
Recognizing and breaking free from this cycle requires conscious effort and often professional help. Here are some steps to start:
Awareness: The first step is recognizing the patterns in your life. Reflect on the situations you continually find yourself in and consider how they might relate to past traumas.
Therapy: Working with a therapist can help uncover and address the underlying traumas and subconscious beliefs that drive your behavior.
Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present and aware of your thoughts and feelings, making it easier to identify and interrupt harmful patterns.
Self-Compassion: Healing from trauma is a journey that requires patience and kindness towards yourself. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, no matter how small.
Support: Building a support system of trusted friends, family or support groups can provide the encouragement and understanding needed to navigate the healing process.
Trauma can have a profound impact on our lives, often causing us to recreate the very situations we strive to avoid.
Understanding this dynamic is the first step towards breaking the cycle and moving towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. By becoming aware of our patterns, seeking professional help, and cultivating self-compassion, we can begin to heal and create new, positive outcomes.