Are you as emotionally mature as you would like to be?

What is emotional maturity? 

Emotional maturity happens throughout the course of our childhoods and continues into adulthood and it means learning how to identify (recognize & name), regulate and communicate our emotions. It has nothing to do with age, many adults are very emotionally immature. Sounds so simple doesn't it? 

We live in a society that is disconnected from their emotions and many of us don’t really know how to regulate them. As children, many of us had to adapt to our environments and instead of tuning into our own emotional experience, we tuned into our environment and the emotions of others around us. Sometimes this meant focusing on our parents or caregivers' mood so we could try to predict how we would be impacted, trying to figure out when we will be in trouble or shamed for our behavior. 

Well meaning parents do this to kids all the time, it’s a reflection of how they were raised and the cycle just repeats. Parents do this when they tell their children to stop crying, stop being so sensitive, stop all this drama etc. 

In many families, kids aren't able to focus on their own emotional experience to expand their self awareness and self reflection and they aren't often don’t have models to show them. 

This results in emotionally immature adults; we don't know what we feel or how to express it.

What does emotional maturity look like? Emotionally mature people…

Have compassion and understanding for themselves and others (They don’t think in black in white)

They can pause before reacting (rather than being defensive or dismissive)

They can see outsides themselves—everything doesn’t feel personal 

They can sit in other’s pain with them without trying to pull them out of it or “fix

They take responsibility for their own behavior 

Developing emotional maturity takes a lot of work and requires better understanding of ourselves and practicing new responses. Having more awareness of where you are not as emotionally mature as you would like and responding in new ways. Teaching yourself to allow new perspectives and feel safe while doing so. My own therapist has helped me in so many ways (thank you!).We can ALL learn to respond in new ways and that we don’t have to manage other people's emotions anymore.

If you would like to do this work to break the cycle with your own kids, we can help :)

Reach out to us if you would like to see one of our Therapists. Let's BE REAL TOGETHER

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE